Candice (00:01.934)

Hey, it's your coach Candice. Today I want to talk to you about the way you talk to your clients. And more specifically, I want to talk about the fact that a whole lot of you are talking to your clients like they're your boss. I know this because I have done this in the past. So I'm not up here throwing rocks. I'm trying to hand you a mirror that I had to look in myself because a lot of you.

Are approaching client relationships wrong? And you're giving employee energy. How do I know this? Well, as you know, I'm a coach. I have students across my courses, programs, one-on-one coaching. And anytime somebody brings me a client scenario that they're trying to navigate, I look

To see if they're taking the posture of being an employee, or if they're taking the posture of being an expert. And the majority of the time, what I find is that wedding pros are taking the posture of being an employee. And that is what we are going to talk about today. Why? Because this is a pretty pervasive problem and it's affecting you and your business and your clients in ways.

That I'm not quite sure you understand. So I want to make you aware of this. And most importantly, your client didn't hire an employee. Somewhere along the way, a lot of you guys applied for this job. And if you have a client who's questioning your recommendations, questioning your suggestions, questioning your expertise, and basically taking your expertise as if it was a suggestion, not

As the final authority, then we have a little bit of work to do. And today's episode is most certainly for you. Because the client is not the problem here. They're often just responding to the person you're being. So if you're showing up like the hired help, which I know a lot of you do not want to do, but if you're showing up that way, then they're gonna take you up on it. So today's episode is for the wedding pro.

Candice (02:24.92)

Who is the best at what they do, but still catches themselves asking a client for permission, kind of like you're asking a manager if you can leave 20 minutes early, or your teacher if you can get the hall pass to use the restroom. So we've got a little bit of a mindset episode today. You're gonna really love this. So I'm so glad you tuned in. Let's get into it.

Hey there, my friend. Welcome back to the Power and Purpose podcast. If you're new here, hello, I'm Candace. I'm your coach. I'm a former wedding planner and designer who built and sold a very successful business. And now I get to do this for a living: coach you through business, through client stuff, through all the ins and outs of running a wedding industry business. I'm so happy you're here. Go ahead and hit follow so that you get next Tuesday's episode and all the episodes after that. And for everybody,

Who is back for another round of no BS Shank and Cuddles? I'm so glad you're here. Today's episode is gonna be one of those signature shank and cuddle episodes. Listen, if you've got a business bestie who is literally just venting to you about a client who is running them ragged, you need to send her a link to today's episode. I think it's going to really help them reframe.

How they're approaching this with their clients and give them a boost of confidence to show up like the expert boss ass bitch. You and I both know they are. Even better if you send this in the group chat and discuss it amongst your wedding industry besties or pals. I love knowing that you share episodes with the people in your world and you guys have conversations about what we discuss here on the show. That to me.

Is why I record this so that you can take this and have conversations with your people, with your group chat about what we discuss here. Now, before we get into today's episode, I want to take just a minute and thank everybody for the overwhelming support for Q, my new software. If you missed it and you're like, what? Hello.

Candice (04:36.43)

I'm launching a wedding planning software for wedding planners very soon. We roll into beta this week. And I made the announcement in episode 221. So literally the episode before this one. I want to thank everybody for the overwhelming support. I am still going through hundreds of emails that landed in my inboxes. It's important to me to go through them one by one, respond, ask questions, be personal. So if you are waiting on an email from me about Q.

Thank you for your patience. Just know that I am going in order of receipt and trying to get back to everybody. But I'm so excited to bring this software to the wedding industry and to wedding planners. And I plan to share a little cue update here each week, just a minute or two, giving you some updates about where things are. So for all my cuties out there, all my fun cue users, potential cue users, you'll know exactly where things stand. So, like I mentioned,

We're going into beta this week. That's the only update I have for you, except an enormous amount of thanks for all the incredible support. All right, let's talk about employee versus expert. Because boy, this is a really important conversation. I'm actually shocked we haven't had this one on the podcast yet. So I'm really excited that I get to dedicate a few minutes here today to talk you through this and hopefully help you look at your interactions with your clients better.

Now, let me set this up for you because I think where this originates from is just being a human being. Most of you did not come up in this industry having never worked another job before. You learned this business from the bottom. So you were you were an employee at some point in your life before you opened this business. Many of you worked in adjacent fields. Some of you had absolutely no experience in this industry, but you were an employee. I mean, I think about all the jobs that I had prior to launching my business.

And every single one of those jobs taught me something about how to work. And I absolutely brought all of that with me, just like you. So you learned this business from the bottom, which is a gift. You really taught yourself the ropes, and I know that you have stitched your business together and your skill set brick by brick. But as you were at the bottom building your business, you also learned a posture down there.

Candice (06:58.412)

And the posture is of a person who needs to keep the boss happy. How relatable is that? We've all been there, right? We walk around on eggshells. We want to keep our boss happy. We want to make sure we're doing a good job. And I'm not sure if anybody told you to put that posture down when you went out on your own. Unfortunately, when you start a business, there's not this manual that is given to you, which by the way, I feel like there should be. A welcome to business. This is all the things you should learn.

So nobody ever actually brought this up for you. And I'm gonna do that today. So you started your business and you brought the employee with you, and it's showing up. Whether you realize it or not. And something that I want to get across to you early on in this episode is that your client is actually not your boss. They are not your manager. They are not signing your paycheck like an employer. They are literally buying your expertise like a customer.

And those are two very different relationships. And I fear that many folks are posturing themselves in the wrong one. Your client will hold you always to the exact standard that you hold yourself to. She takes quote, and sorry for the pun. I'm gonna be using a lot of Q quotes here, but she takes the Q from you. So if you show up like the help.

She's going to hire you like the help every single time. Now, today I want to do two things. First, I want to show you the tells, the specific ways employee energy is the leaking into your business, into how you run your business, how you interface with clients, even how you interact with vendors and other people, so that you can catch yourself doing it and try to do it differently. Okay.

And then I want to show you how the expert shows up instead. Because you already are the expert. You already are a person with a ton of expertise. You're not just acting like it, you are an expert, especially when you compare yourself to the client who doesn't know half of what you know about photography, videography, floral design, planning, invitations. And so it's time to stop showing up as an employee and start showing up.

Candice (09:27.798)

As the expert. Let's begin with the tells. Here's how you know you're giving employee. By the way, none of this makes you bad at your job. All of this makes you really good at your job, but scared in your business. So I want you to see how many of these you actually recognize.

Candice (09:59.5)

The first tell that you're giving employee energy is you ask for permission instead of making the call. You say things like, would it be okay if do you think maybe we should? Those are if those are coming up in your conversations more often than not, then you are showing up more like an employee who is seeking.

permission instead of making the call an expert would make.

I find that business owners, creative business owners, wedding pros, take their professional recommendation, which is the thing that the client is actually paying you for, and you hand it over, kind of like a request that needs their signature or like something your boss needs to approve. This is because an employee asks the boss and an expert makes the call and tells you what that call is.

The second way that you are giving employee is that you are over-explaining and over-apologizing. And this is really easy to do because we want people to be happy. And sometimes we default to this. This is a larger discussion. There's a lot that goes into this. A lot of your past shows up in this: how you were raised, the environment in which you built relationships, all those kinds of things. But

A four paragraph email that you're sending to justify a completely normal boundary around your time, around your availability, around the fact that you work on weekends and you're not accessible, or that you are couch riding on a Sunday after walking 25,000 steps, is a good sign that you are acting like an employee. The I'm so sorry to bother you. I hope this is okay. I know you're super busy.

Candice (11:59.468)

That type of behavior is not okay. You don't need to behave that way. First of all, you're not bothering anyone. You're doing your job. So with that little check-in or that little tone, I hope I'm not bothering you. I'm so sorry, I didn't get back to you right away. No, no, we don't need to do that.

Over-explaining is what people do when they're afraid of getting in trouble. And you are not in trouble, you are in charge. The third thing that you might be doing is you wait to be told what to do instead of leading the plan. And this is easy to slip into, especially when you're busy and you've got lots of clients, and so you're kind of reacting to things rather than being proactive. But employee energy is letting the client

drive the timeline of how things get done, who is being looped in to the process, her ideas for literally everything with no say from you, especially around your expertise. But then this is this is the employee part. You're just executing it. You're not pushing back or you're not saying, ooh, love your Pinterest board.

But actually, this is kind of ugly. No, I'm just kidding. But in all seriousness, pushing back, guiding, moving them towards what an expert would move somebody toward. Instead, you're reacting like an assistant who's just taking orders. You're like a person who is just a waiter just writing down what people are ordering and then taking it to execute. What I want you to know is that your clients are not hiring you to just.

type up their ideas or to just do everything they say. And if they are, we have a we have a much larger problem. And you need to there there is some work you need to do on that. You are working with the wrong people. You have positioned yourself in the wrong way. And quite frankly, I am worried about you because that is a not a sustainable business model. Just literally reacting like an employee all the time.

Candice (14:17.814)

I really hope you understand that your clients hire you because they don't know how to do this. And actually, they hire you because you're the one who does know how to do it. So if you're waiting to be told instead of leading the plan, you are absolutely giving employee energy. And if you are being told what to do, and then you're just going and executing it, we have a much larger problem on our hands. The fourth thing.

Tell that you're giving employee energy is that you need your client to be happy with you more than you need them to be served well. And this is again, this is a really sneaky one because you will choose they need to like me over they got the right outcome or I served them well, or I delivered on everything I promised.

And this really shows up in how you advise them or guide them and how you kind of soften every hard truth you need to deliver about money, about cost, about deadlines, about extras. Ugh, this is a tough one. And people do this all the time because you want them to be happy and you want them to like you.

And every time you say yes, when the professional answer is no, you are doing this. Being liked and being respected are two very different jobs. And sometimes we can't hold both at the same time. And I know the People Pleaser in you is like, ew no. But I would personally rather be respected for my opinion than to be liked.

For everything that I do. That's just my personal preference. You will have to decide what is true for you. But I promise you, I promise you, that your need to be liked and the people-pleasing side of you is actually doing the opposite of what you intended. The final way that you are giving employee energy is you're treating every request a client has.

Candice (16:34.855)

Like an order that you are unable to refuse.

So this is far wide and reaching. A client asks you to do A, you say yes. A client asks you then to change, they change their mind, they want to do B, you say yes. And not only that, but they request it and in the moment you stop what you're doing and you fulfill the request.

You stop what you're focusing on, the tab you have open, the thing that you have deemed important. And sometimes these little requests derail your entire day. They're not urgent, they're not even based in reality, but somewhere in your body, you you feel as though you have to take care of this right away and do what the client asks, or at least try to make it happen.

And this feels like it goes against hospitality. And it goes to not do this, it feels like it goes against all the things that we've been taught about being nice, about being supportive. The customer's always right. We need to provide hospitality. But there is a difference between providing hospitality and trying to be liked and wanting to make everybody happy. There is a big, big difference. So if you just went, no.

To at least two of these, you might be and likely are running aspects of your business like you're an employee. And I want you to put this posture down. So the good news is now you see it for what it is. Let's talk about how the expert is going to show up differently in similar scenarios. Because I think, in order for you to change your positioning on this,

Candice (18:31.65)

You have to see what to do instead. And the good news is this is actually pretty easy to segue into. And these are decisions that you get to make in the moment. And you can start making these decisions today instead of defaulting to acting like an employee. So the expert shows up by first leading with your recommendation. You were hired for a point of view, and you know that I talk about this a lot.

Your creative point of view, your point of view is extremely important. And you were hired for your point of view before you were hired for labor. Unless your entire positioning is, I will come labor for you. Then we have a little bit of a different topic. But for most of my listeners, you have a unique expertise and a creative point of view.

So instead of defaulting to what the client wants to hear or to what they're asking, you need to default to what you recommend. And not just that, you need to say, here's what I recommend and here's why. Not here are some options. What do you think?

Or I'll do whatever you want, or I'll reach out to whomever you want. Or yeah, that sounds like a good idea, even though you know in your core that that is an absolute shit idea. And for those of you who are charging a premium premium, your freaking clients are paying for your recommendations and your level of expertise. They're paying a premium so that they don't have to be the expert in the room. So you need to be.

The expert in the room. The second way that an expert shows up is they say it once. They don't have to oversell it. An expert is gonna state the recommendation, and then that's it. I do this all the time in my coaching. My coach does it to me. If I ask a question and she gives me an answer, she doesn't need to sit here for 25 minutes and convince me that her answer is correct. She's like, this is what I want you to do. And I'll be honest.

Candice (20:37.866)

That confidence gives me confidence.

So for you, you don't need to put, you don't need to pile on five more justifications around your recommendations. The confidence that you have in what you suggest, in what you say, is actually transferable. If you want your clients to be confident in you and in your expertise, you have to be confident in it first. So something I would say to my client is: this is what I would do: insert the blank.

I wouldn't have to justify what I would do to them, but I would explain why. Remember what I said. Here's what I think, or here's what I recommend, and here's why. But I don't need to justify my suggestions, and neither do you. And I think silence after you make a suggestion is very powerful. You don't need to fill the space with a bunch of noise or fill the space with a bunch of justifications. You need to start telling your clients the truth.

Candice (21:44.949)

Damn.

Candice (21:57.358)

And let your confidence in your recommendations do the work for you. The next thing that you should be doing as an expert is driving the plan. You set the process, you set the tone, you set the timeline for things. You tell them how this is gonna go. And of course, you do it nicely, warmly, pleasantly.

Very hospitably. You don't have to be aggressive like I am being on this podcast. You're going to drive the plan and be in complete control. Far too often, wedding pros adjust the plan, the process that you've set to support the client's needs. But a client does not feel safe with a planner or an invitation designer who

hands them the steering wheel. They're gonna feel safe with somebody who clearly knows where they're going and how to navigate getting there. And I want you to recognize that you driving the plan is actually the service that you're providing. And that is a higher level of service, being in charge, being the one in the driver's seat, knowing what should happen first, second, and third. And you know this because you are the expert.

Because you've done this more than once. You know that you do this first because if you did what the client wanted to do first, they would get overwhelmed. Or they would have trouble making decisions. Or they would regret the decision they made because they didn't think about A before B. Do you see how that changes the scope of the relationship?

Clients are entitled to ask questions, they are entitled to push back, they're entitled to think they're in charge, they're entitled to have requests for their wedding, obviously. And anybody telling you different is a fool. Sorry, but it is just this is they're paying for it. So at the end of the day, they're the final decision maker, but you, my friend, you drive the plan because you are the expert. And speaking of expert,

Candice (24:15.594)

You need to get comfortable being the authority. And that means that you're comfortable being the expert. And sometimes the clients don't always love what you suggest in the moment. It's not what they want to hear, but it is the truth. And I think we need to give our clients enough respect.

To know that they can handle the truth from the expert that they that we that they hired. We cushion things and we try to warp things so they don't get mad, so that they, so that we don't hurt their feelings, we don't upset them. And that is well intended, but it doesn't show that we respect them enough to know that they can handle the truth once they had a minute to digest it.

You cannot be an employee and an expert at the same time in your business. The expert is somebody, the person who tells you the thing you didn't want to hear.

The budget's not gonna work. You can't hire this florist because they fucking suck. You're not gonna be able to take all those pictures in that timeline. You're not gonna be able to get those family photos unless you do a first look. You're not gonna be able to get that invitation suite in the timeline you need it at the price you want.

And they'll either do one of two things. They'll push back, or they'll thank you for the honesty and make a decision that works best for them. You have to be okay with that. And you have to be okay with the temporary feeling they might have of disappointment in the situation, but the relief they will feel knowing an expert had enough respect for them to tell them the freaking truth.

Candice (26:25.718)

Now the final way that an expert shows up differently than an employee is you hold yourself to an an an expert standard first.

And I think this is the crux of our entire conversation today. So I want you to hear me really clearly. Your client is not going to knight you as the expert. She's gonna take the read on how you treat yourself and how you position yourself directly to know how to treat you.

So if you decide that you're the authority, that you're the expert, you're the senior person with the years of experience, and your client has hired you for that reason, then you get to act like it over and over and over again, and they will meet you there. I promise you they will. That's not to say they will never push back or they'll never have questions. Remember, clients are entitled to all those things. But unless you are willing to hold yourself accountable and to an expert standard first.

Your clients will never meet you there. You have to hold yourself to that standard first. And you have to look at your job through that lens and through all the client interactions you have through that lens. If you do not, then you will continue to fall into the trap of being treated like a servant and like an employee. And I'm gonna be honest with you, that is a really difficult place to stay.

If you continue to run your business like an employee to the dozens of clients you have and their parents and all the people that they have warped into the planning process, you are going to feel the effects of that. And the effects will be burnout, will be a sense, an overwhelming sense of anxiety that you cannot keep everybody happy. You will feel like you do not have a handle on your business, on your client process.

Candice (28:21.9)

And like you were disappointing everyone all the time.

Candice (28:28.65)

And is that not the shittiest place to be? Yeah, that's pretty much not fun. I can't think of any reason why anybody would like to hang out there. If you want to be an employee, you could go get a job at a company and potentially make more money than what you're making right now and actually leave the work behind when you clock out for the day instead of.

Carrying it with you 24 7. Now, your client takes the cue from you on pretty much all things. And this matters way more than I think you realize. The way you carry yourself with a client is so important. And it shows up in your positioning, in your marketing, in your brand. And I think it's the difference between a business that says we're premium and we provide a premium experience versus one.

That says we are replaceable. A lot of new business owners show up as an employee instead of an expert. So if you're a relatively new business owner, it is so important for you to learn this lesson today so that you do not make this mistake five years down the line or carry this employee mindset with you throughout your career. And if you are an OG, which we've got tons of you guys listening to the podcast.

You can fix this, and you can actually fix this and repair this in the existing client relationships you have and set a new tone for every client who hires you after you've made this shift. A client can feel employee energy before they I think before you even realize you're giving it off. And you're gonna see this in how they second guess you, how they negotiate you, how they add just one more.

Thing or can you do this? And the scope of work keeps shifting or increasing or changing. And listen, they're not doing this because they're difficult or they're shitty clients. They're doing this because you left the door open to this interpretation. And they think this is how this relationship works. When you lead, you're going to see a difference.

Candice (30:49.974)

And so I want you to start looking at how you're interacting with clients, how your relationship is with clients, what you were doing with clients, and ask yourself: am I providing a premium expert-led experience, or am I reacting to everyone like an employee? And I'm curious, of the five tells that I gave you, which one do you feel like spoke to you the most or even made you feel a little more, a little defensive?

Because that is probably where you should start first. I hope this episode has really made you think about the relationship you are creating between you and your clients and even the vendors that you interact with, because I think employee energy can kind of leak into some of the relationships that we have with our professional colleagues. I don't want people walking all over you anymore. And I don't want you leaving the door open to do it.

I want you to man up and act like the expert I know you are, because if you listen to this podcast, you know what you're doing. First of all, you make it a point to get education, to see a different perspective, to learn from someone who has gone before you. And that to me tells me that you are a lot farther ahead than any employee who is trying to run a business. I need you.

To start changing the dynamic you have with your clients and paying attention to this because we all do it. And if you're not careful, this is gonna set the tone for every client interaction you have this season and next, and you are going to pay the price. All right, friends, I want you to share this episode with somebody who needs to get out of the employee mindset and start thinking like an expert. DM me if you have.

Anything you want to share, if this episode spoke to you, I would love to know that it's getting you to think differently. So feel free to DM me. Open up your phone right now. Go to Instagram, type in candis.cobla, click message, and send me a DM. I listen to every single one, I respond to every single one, and it means a lot to me. All right, friends. Thanks for listening to today. I want to remind you: there is so much power in your purpose. I'll see you next week.