Candice (00:00.78)

Yeah, girl, it's cozy.

Carla (00:02.37)

I'm romanticizing my life right now. Actually, I'm gonna take a picture of it.

Candice (00:04.876)

Well, isn't that what this is all about? Is romanticizing life a little bit?

Carla (00:08.223)

It is. Yeah, yeah, it's fun when you start paying attention to that stuff. And adding it in all like I was actually just thinking about it because we were talking about not we were talking about in your notes. You're you're you asked like what books are you reading and I kind of was chuckling because I have a book in my bathroom that I read. Yeah.

Candice (00:27.246)

Of course you do. When you're not texting people back, you're reading a few pages.

Carla (00:34.04)

But it's one of those things where it's like a lot of people go in the bathroom and they just scroll mindlessly and then they just like lose themselves. And I'm like, I'm efficient. I'm in and I'm out. I got no time to, I'm not wasting time sitting on the toilet. Like get out of here. Although if I were, I have this book of essays by Brianna West or Wies I think her name is. And I follow her on Instagram. And so I bought this book. I think it's called a hundred essays that'll change the way you think. And so I liked it so much. I bought like 10 copies and I love just giving it out to people. I know you love giving books out.

to, yeah.

Candice (01:04.6)

I I love that you do. I love that you do that, that you get the art of gathering I have because of you, but I love that you give people books that you really enjoy. And I'm sure you must like have a little stash and think of someone and think that they would benefit from this book.

Carla (01:20.848)

my God, I have like a library. I just looked at it the other day and reorganized. I'm like, okay, I have a book, The Shift, to Go Beyond, How to See People as Real People or something. I'm like, that's a specific type of person. I give that book too. The Essays one is one of my favorites and The Art of Gathering is my new one for sure.

Candice (01:40.832)

Yeah, you've been talking about that one for a while. let's welcome people to our first patio chat. We're recording already because I felt like we needed to hit record because one thing that you'll know about me and Carla as you listen to these episodes and as you get to know both of us a little bit differently, get to know me a little bit differently and certainly get to know Carla is that once we start talking, like we're talking.

Carla (01:44.632)

I love it.

Carla (01:49.735)

Ooh, hi. Yeah.

Carla (02:08.832)

Yeah, I didn't... Yeah.

Candice (02:09.646)

We can't pause to hit record. Once we get on an idea, we just start to have a really lovely conversation. And that's kind of what patio chats is all about.

Carla (02:21.078)

Yeah, yeah, I didn't even realize you started recording. I was talking about my time on the toilet with a book. we were talking about getting cozy and cozying things up. And I was thinking like, when you're intentional about that, like I was chuckling because I'm like, how, of course, I'm intentional about the cozy time on the toilet, right? Like, it's just like a little window of time where you could actually like, learn something new or like, remind yourself of something because like, if you do something once in the morning, like meditate or journal or read or whatever, it's hard to kind of

Candice (02:25.07)

Yeah.

Carla (02:50.478)

pull that idea through the rest of your day, I find that I struggle with it. So like, I got a little toilet time and I sit and I read and I'm like, okay, like I got a little gem this morning when I was flipping through and I was like, I got to talk to Candace about this. Toilet time, yeah.

Candice (03:06.849)

Maybe on these episodes, I'll be like, right, so what did you learn on toilet time this morning? I love that.

Carla (03:12.398)

We can start it with that. I mean, right. And all that to say is like, what other little pockets of time do we have to just kind of remind ourselves of, you know, all the stuff that we were chatting about on the patio in Barbados that instigated this whole recording is just these things that we're like, oh, I want to like sit, oh, I listen to this podcast. And like this idea is resonating with me. And then we just kind of like, we're workshopping it for

Candice (03:32.353)

Yeah.

Carla (03:40.354)

five hours, like uninterrupted, like that's crazy to me, but that's so fun. Yeah.

Candice (03:43.67)

I know it was, it was fun. Yeah. No, and it's what spurred doing this and, hopefully making this a series on the show. I think you guys are really going to enjoy the conversations that Carla and I hope to have here. And this was inspired by Carla's recent trip to my home in Barbados. She had some flight credits and she booked this flight like a year.

before she came. And so we knew she was coming, but it wasn't until like the few weeks leading up until she arrived that we really started to think about her trip. And she was like, listen, I'm really easy. I just want to come and relax. And what it ended up being a really beautiful week of reconnecting as friends and having really thoughtful and deep conversations about all types of things on my veranda, on my deck, on my patio, on the couch.

Carla (04:04.77)

Yep. Yep.

Candice (04:32.466)

And there was a point where, you five hours into day four, we both were like, you know, this is just, I wish more people could be privy to these conversations that two women, two friends, two women in business, two women in the wedding industry are having about business life, growth, aging, friendship. And so that's what our patio chats are all about.

Carla (04:55.79)

Yeah, yeah, it's so nice. There's something, you know, so special about one on one FaceTime with somebody. And one of the things we started chatting again, as soon as we got on the app here, and I was saying, listened to your most recent episode, and it's all about marketing trends. But one of the things that we had talked about on the patio was the going deep, not wide, and not casting this wide, loose net over your network.

with networking and reconnecting with everyone. I think that our visit just spoke to that on such a deep level and really recalibrated me. It recalibrated me so deeply that I was like, ooh, do I have to go to all these networking things? Do I have to just be surface? Even though it's like, you gotta be surface to go deep sometimes. You can't just jump in and be like, when people are like, I don't like small talk, and you're like, so you want me to roll up to you and be like, what's your greatest fear?

Candice (05:52.27)

Please don't do that to me.

Carla (05:52.47)

next to the shrimp cocktail, like, girl, what do you mean? What do you mean? What's the option? Like, that's the thing. That's one of those questions I want to ask people. They're like, I hate small talk. It's like, well, then how do you start a conversation? You know what I mean? And so

Candice (06:03.758)

Yeah, well we need some kind of lubricant, you know? That's what small talk is. It's social lubricant!

Carla (06:06.956)

Honestly. Right, right. Yeah, I totally agree. And we were, guess all lubed up and ready to go and there was just no small talk. We just dove so deep there.

Candice (06:15.95)

Zero. literally was like, what's your greatest fear? But we've known each other for, we've been friends for like 15 years. small talk for us. I mean, we've been there, done that. In fact, the first time we met was a bunch of small talk. I came to your studio. you remember this? I had just started my business. Carla had been in business for, I don't know, probably five years before I found her.

Carla (06:22.604)

Yeah, I know.

Carla (06:29.548)

Yeah.

Carla (06:36.782)

do.

Candice (06:43.47)

She's a photographer. Allow her to introduce herself now. Just for anybody who's not familiar with Carla, will you take a second and just introduce yourself?

Carla (06:50.926)

Sure, I am a wedding branding and elopement photographer based in Hartford, Connecticut. I'm focusing mostly in New England, but I've done destination. Oh my God, I've been doing this for 23 years. I am a mother to two adult children, Jackson and Georgie. Jackson is 22, Georgie is 20. I live in my childhood home in Hartford, Connecticut. And there's so many other things I've done that are like, whatever, I'm sure we'll talk about them at some point, but that's the gist of it there.

Candice (07:17.678)

Yeah, that's the gist of it. Yes, that's the gist.

When I met Carla, I was fresh on the scene. had never planned a wedding before, but I did talk a good talk. had a good brand. had all the right things in place. And networking was really important to me. I felt like if I was going to grow my business, it was going to be in alignment with people who were already in front of clients, right? So I introduced myself to lots of people, emailed, came across Carla's work. She said, sure, come to my studio in Hartford. So I went and we met in her brand.

Carla (07:29.217)

Yeah!

Candice (07:52.134)

it was brand new. She had just built this addition onto her home. And we sat there and it was like very proper. you know, we were sitting up straight and you know, legs crossed and it's like, tell me about yourself. where did you grow up? It was very a lot of small talk. And yeah.

Carla (08:10.264)

Yep, yep. God. That makes me laugh. And actually you don't know how often I think about that. Where I'm like, if I'm meeting somebody and I'm like, I know we're gonna vibe, but you have to get through that like initial discomfort of like feeling each other out to make sure. And it's like, I love when I know I'm gonna vibe with someone. I'm like, ooh, I'm doing the Candice dance. That first where you brought chocolate chip cookies and we sat down and we had that like kind of interview chat.

And then like flash forward to like Costa Rica where you're, you know, screaming at a raccoon at a styled shoot. And we're like, you know, packed in a minivan with like 15 people and someone's got poop on their shoe. And we're just like having all these adventures all over the world and like being very real and honest with each other. But yeah, there is that little barrier to entry that you, you know, you got to like trust and verify as you said to me many times on our trip.

Candice (08:45.346)

I know.

Candice (08:52.462)

you

Yeah.

Candice (09:04.462)

Trust but verify is one of my life's But it's interesting. One of the things I wanted us to talk about on our patio chat today was the ripple effect and how the ripple effect, well, actually this was in your notes, not mine, but how the ripple effect.

Carla (09:08.502)

Yep.

Candice (09:23.966)

how our actions create a ripple and then that ripple creates more ripples for other people. This is something that we talked about a lot during your trip here because one of the things that I don't think you mentioned was that you were the co-founder of an amazing networking community, NEAP, which is, explain what NEAP is.

Carla (09:43.887)

So NEEP stands for New England Event Pros and it's based in Connecticut. But we serve a lot of people in New England and we wanted to do, kind of have like a reason to connect and recreate a community of wedding and event professionals. And so we host elevated networking events where we have a speaker. Networking, it's always turned into a dance party with a band or a DJ, because why not?

And so we've then had smaller get togethers, like wellness events, meetups at breweries, stuff like that. And so we have a new board for 2025. And so we're in the of the planning stages, but it's been such a big hit. People have just been really hungry for this networking where they can enjoy a really elevated, beautiful event and be a guest at it because we're always working these events, right? So they're fun. Yeah.

Candice (10:36.236)

Yeah, it's true. Yeah. And one of the things we were talking about is just the ripple effect that an event like this has or meeting someone at an event or getting the chance to experience an event like a NEAP gala or one of the events that you put together and the ripple effect that that has on a singular person or on a small niche in the industry or just in the industry in general and how cool it is to see that ripple effect.

Carla (11:04.366)

Yeah, it's interesting because I think about those events and one of the things I think is a through line for me, I even mentioned this on my website, I think in like my about section of like, you know, when you walk into a party and you don't know where to land and I think you started calling me the air traffic control. And that's one of those ripple effect things that is a definite through line for me that I carry to every single event I go to.

Candice (11:21.742)

Yeah.

Carla (11:31.554)

and I'm aware of it. And I just was actually at a retreat in Vermont with other photographers and I was talking about that and they're like, you are the welcoming committee. You are air traffic control. Like people walk through the door, I'm immediately looking to catch their eye to be like, hey, welcome, hi. Whether it's my event or not, right? And so that in turn creates a ripple effect where I've heard people say, I felt so welcome. I felt so included. I felt like immediately welcomed. Like that to me is like one of those things that, you know,

all of us can kind of examine what one of those things that we do becomes a ripple effect somewhere else, right? And like, we know what it feels like to walk in and be landed down because I have a lot of anxiety about that as extroverted and outgoing and socially capable as I am. When I walk in and I don't know where to go or where does my coat go? Where do I get a drink? Where's the food? Where's the host? It stresses me out. So I just want to avoid that for people. So it's kind of interesting to think like,

Well, what are some other things that I do that could cause a ripple effect or what do other, what do things, what are there, why can't I get that out? What do other people do that are causing ripple effects for me and like watching that ripple effect kind of from afar? It's actually really fascinating to be a little introspective and reflective about that. Do you have stuff that you think of that? What's your ripple effect or what's one thing? Because there are many things that you do, I think.

Candice (12:48.492)

Well, yeah, I think everything that I'm able to do in the work that I do now has an enormous ripple effect. The conversations we have on this podcast, the things that I get to teach, the conversations that I have with people, whether it's a quick DM or it's one of my students in a more intimate setting, I think about...

Carla (13:00.718)

Mm-hmm.

Candice (13:12.302)

how those conversations, sometimes even just meaningless, like, good job, or I'm so proud of you. It doesn't feel like it was this big, you know, transformational conversation we had, but just somebody being able to hear that from a person that they might admire or look up to and that encouraging them and them going out and working, doing more in their business or shaking off imposter syndrome and trying something new, that's a ripple effect that I think about.

But I also think about just like in my own community, inviting people over to my home, Jason and I, love to host, we love to cook, we love to really treat our friends. I think we have a beautiful home and we also just love the art of entertaining and hospitality and not having people come and feel like they need anything, treating people. And I think about that ripple effect of how that somebody gets to experience that from a friend of just being taken care of, of being hosted, cooked for, thought of.

Carla (13:50.498)

You do.

Carla (14:00.856)

Mmm.

Candice (14:09.952)

a special cocktail made for you that isn't a special glass and it looks so pretty and it just delights you, you know, it's just special. And I think that encourages hopefully people to find ways they can do that for other people too, or it just brings a smile to their face and it makes them feel appreciated.

Carla (14:17.442)

Yeah.

Carla (14:27.5)

Yeah, I have a couple thoughts just on just on what you just said. First of all, as somebody who was your guest for a week, you guys are the best hosts. I felt so comfortable and so attended to and so like, you know, just part of the family. It was you guys are very good at that. And the ripple effect that created for me was I'm going to be the best guess I could be. And that is something I generally think of. when it's like you're in somebody's space for a week, you better be the best guess you could be like.

I'm not gonna leave anything behind. I'm gonna clean up the kitchen, I'm gonna set the kitchen at night, I'm gonna learn how to make the lattes. It took me a couple of tries, but I figured it out. And really trying to be as good of a guest as I could be so that it didn't feel like as taxing as it is when your energy is kind of invaded by having a guest for a week, whether good, or indifferent, it's just a fact. So that was one of the ripple effects for me. The second thing that popped up.

Candice (15:05.772)

you

Carla (15:25.078)

was I told you I listened to your latest episode on the marketing trends. And even hearing those trends validated so much of like where my business is right now. I was like, fuck yeah. Like, okay, all right. I guess I'm on trend this year. This is awesome. You know, with the girl, what? Watch out. You know, I listened and I was like, okay. And like, that's not a small thing for me. You after doing this for 23 years to kind of hear that the way I've been doing business is like,

Candice (15:41.922)

You're trending, bitch.

Carla (15:54.666)

is the way right now or is a widely accepted way. And I don't have to struggle with, do I have those curated Instagram squares? Like kill me now, I hate that. It drives me so crazy. And just hearing you name brutalism as that trend that's been going on for a few years now where it's just kind of like the inner workings of things, the behind the scenes of things, the just raw.

vibe of an event is something I've always been really, really attracted to. you know, and just also multi having, you know, multifaceted business with the weddings, the branding and the elopements to me, I'm like, awesome, I can have these three personalities that I'm really good at. I don't have to narrow down and specialize. So that's another ripple effect that from what you did in your episode that I'm sure resonated with so many people that listen to it.

Candice (16:41.314)

Yeah.

Candice (16:50.434)

hope. So yeah, yeah, I agree. It's so nice to hear that that episode was affirming to you because a lot of what I shared in that episode, we actually workshopped out on the patio as I was like, listen, here are some things I'm thinking of. we had this beautiful conversation about it. And it was like it all crystallized. And I actually delivered that live first in my mastermind as the trends, you know, for 2025 that I'm predicting, and then it turned into an episode. So thank you for helping me workshop through that.

Carla (16:52.514)

Yeah.

Carla (17:00.898)

Yeah.

Carla (17:07.821)

Yeah.

Candice (17:18.842)

that was a ripple effect for me. I guess I come back to this idea that we have more agency to create change or to motivate people or to inspire others, whether it's clients, our colleagues, our wedding industry community, we have more agency than we give ourselves credit for to actually take action and put ideas out and maybe be the change that our industry needs. And that's something that you did with me.

in your co-founder, when you started it, it was sort of like this idea of, we need to do something to bring the wedding industry community in New England together. And you've been doing that for, I mean, 20 years, you've been leading communities doing that. And look at the ripple effect that that's had, not just on the people who get to attend the event, but you personally getting to be a part of something like that.

Carla (18:11.022)

Yeah, it's interesting because I've been also reflecting on that recently where I can't seem to help myself. Where I'm like, I try to wait, I'm like, let somebody else lead a community, let somebody else take over. And then like, people don't. I'm like, okay, guess I'll come back in and start another group or whatever. And I've done a lot of, we used to run the Pictage user group and it was called Pug.

Candice (18:27.83)

Yeah.

Carla (18:39.212)

back in the day for photographers. And we had upwards of a hundred people at certain times for meetings and I would host them at my house. And then we opened it up to wedding professionals, not just photographers when Pictage went under. And that was really fun for a long time. And then that kind of went under when the internet got bigger and then more people had their groups online and like social media got bigger, I should say. And then it kind of went offline.

Candice (19:00.429)

Yeah.

Carla (19:06.124)

you know, online and then now it's going more offline, I think, and more in person, like a smaller thing. And so I'm still doing like the bigger networking reach. But then I'm like, do I want to do deeper, not wider for myself personally? And then is that fair to host a networking group with that mentality? Should I step aside and let other people do it? And that's, know, maybe that's going to happen at some point.

where I'm just gonna say, know what, let this younger generation come on in. And that's actually, the board is made up of everyone, and they're probably like 35, they're younger. And they've got such great energy and ideas and everything. But yeah, I forgot what we were talking about. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Candice (19:29.656)

These are all, yeah.

Candice (19:35.682)

Yeah.

Candice (19:46.444)

No, we were just talking about the ripple effect that that has. I was also thinking too, one of the things that I mentioned in the marketing trends podcast episode was how people are craving connection. And I think that the wedding industry, especially, I think people are craving more authentic connection and having a safe place to land and be themselves and to be able to network and learn from each other.

I can say this because I've been in the wedding industry a long time, but it can be really clicky, even sometimes without trying to be clicky. Back in the day, you know, people probably thought you and I and Beth and some of our other friends who always worked together were very clicky. And we were, we just had a really amazing creative group and we just loved working together. We found every reason to do it, but I could see outside looking in how that would have felt very clicky.

but you've always been a very inclusive person. You've always looked around and said, first of all, who needs a drink? Who needs something to eat? And who needs somebody to talk to? And how can I be that person for them? I think the industry benefits from people like you who take care of others and try to find space for other people to feel seen and validated. But I also think that we as an industry are

craving, more personal connection with one another and more intimate conversation, more friendship, not on the surface level, and just being more real and honest about our circumstances, whether they're great and we're crushing it in business or things are not so great and we're struggling.

Carla (21:27.864)

Yeah, no, I totally agree. And I feel like there's definitely a craving for that from the industry in Connecticut for sure. But I think we're all still in this trust and verify stage, right? With people where we're like, are you my group? Are you my group? Are you my person? Can I trust you? Can I share this? And then it's not gonna become like gossip with the planners of Connecticut. Like where is that? And I've definitely...

I'm so happy that I was thinking about this the other day. I've definitely found a very trustworthy, amazing group of women that I call friends. They're not just colleagues, but I genuinely can call them friends. And I know I would be friends with them regardless of the fact that we're in the industry. And that's really for me what it's all about because I've seen the friendships I've maintained over 10, 15, 20 years.

I'm still really close friends with people that are no longer in the industry. And that's what's really important to me is to find that friendship within, you you can have like acquaintanceships and like, you know, really lovely working relationships because I think there's a lot of layers to connection, right? Again, you can't go super deep with everyone. That's exhausting. You just can't. It's just not possible. But if you even just have that slightest touch of comfort for people and giving people the space to kind of like...

Candice (22:44.03)

it's not possible. Yes. No.

Carla (22:53.61)

know, lube them up for more connection with other people and they're gonna find their groups. And yeah, I think it's inevitable that, you know, it does feel clicky when groups do form. And I don't think it's an intentional thing to shut people out. It's just that they found that connection. And I do remember hearing a quote and I still think about it. it was, you close the door, shut, when you close the door, you create the room. And it was all about like not.

being so inclusive where you include everybody, because sometimes I think I over-include people, and sometimes personalities don't gel, and I'm like, okay, because I just don't want to leave people out. But I think it's valuable and valid to have a curated group for things too, which is also something that I learned in reading that book, The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker, where

you she says, have a dinner party, but have it be very intentional and very curated and only 10 people, eight people and hand select these people and mix up the seating and, you know, thoughtfully seat people next to each other to inspire conversation and introduce people that don't know one another and see what happens. You know, and I haven't stopped thinking of that where I'm like, okay, that's actually, that sounds lovely, but it's exclusive, right? And so it's kind of counterintuitive to me where I'm like,

no person left behind kind of mentality, but then it's also like, you know, it's okay if that happens because then beauty can come from that smaller group as well, you know.

Candice (24:24.802)

I think it's more in how you lead in your everyday actions. So if you're in your everyday actions, you're inclusive and you try to find space for people who may not always be invited to the party. And you try to make sure that those spaces or those people are included and know they're included, not just be included because they're not often invited, but because they're genuinely, they deserve to be at the table and in the room and that invitation is always extended. Then I don't think anybody can fault you for throwing a dinner party and inviting an

Carla (24:27.853)

Yeah.

Mm.

Candice (24:54.688)

interesting, know, ragtag group of people who you think should meet because they're curious and odd and interesting and cool and have funny ideas and would be just a great conversation. I think we actually need more of that. That's opening up space for people in another way, which they might not be able to find. I'm all about that.

And I think about one of the things on my list to talk about today was the Scruffy hospitality. And I would love to have this little conversation around Scruffy hospitality because this is something you and I talked about a lot on the patio. So let me preface what this is, what this is. So there was a really great podcast episode from the happiness lab podcast. I'll link to it in the show notes.

Carla (25:25.399)

Yes.

Carla (25:34.123)

Yes, my gosh.

Candice (25:44.666)

And it was the first episode of 2025, and it was about embracing imperfectionism. I listened to this episode on a happenstance. I just stumbled across the podcast, stumbled across the episode and said, fuck it. I could use some imperfect, know, imperfection in my life. Like, I'm just gonna listen to this on a drive to my doctor's office. When I tell you this episode, I cannot shut up about it. I've sent it to everyone.

Carla (25:57.55)

Haha!

Candice (26:08.854)

all the women in my mastermind, I've sent it to friends. I'm like, you have to listen to this episode. It's so good, go and listen to it. But part of what the host and the guest talked about was this notion of scruffy hospitality and how sometimes we just, we think everything has to be perfect in order to invite people in.

Our house has to be clean. We have to make a Julia Child dinner. We have to have the right serving platter, the right furniture. Everything's gotta be decorated right. We have to have all these things in place. And we spend crazy amounts of money doing it. And we stress ourselves out, exhaust ourselves to the point where it's when it's time to host, we're like, fuck this. I wanna go to bed. I don't wanna be here anymore. I'm so exhausted. And what the host and the guest were talking about was this how no.

Carla (26:50.571)

Yeah

Candice (26:59.192)

We need to get used to more scruffy hospitality. Inviting people over when your house isn't perfect. Whipping something together and it's still being delicious. And not this Pinterest idolized version of what life is supposed to be like. And what we're all craving is actually scruffy hospitality. We're all craving to peek behind the curtain and see a little bit of what life is like for someone.

when their house isn't a Pinterest board or when daily life takes over and there's a bit of chaos. And some of our greatest moments and memories at parties, at family gatherings, at intimate girls nights are not based on the premise of things being perfect before we make the invitation. There are those nights where you're like, you know what? I'm just gonna invite Carla over, grab a bottle of wine, no makeup, I look like shit. And we just sit down and we talk.

and you make one of the most beautiful memories. And I think all of us need to start embracing scruffy hospitality, but not just like in the art of gathering or hosting, but maybe just a bit in our own businesses and in the way that we work with clients. What do you think?

Carla (28:12.526)

I love this idea so much. I also, after you introduced that episode to me, I listened to it, I think, by your pool. And I was like, girl, it was so satisfying to be able to listen to it and immediately process it with you. I sent it to so many people. I feel like I linked it in the Neep account and my account. I'm gonna reshare it as well because it really resonated with me. I wanna listen to it again.

And that premise was just so freeing, right? Because I think one of the things that you and I chatted about was, again, applying that to our business and applying that to our Instagram feed, applying that to our behind the scenes of how we work. You know, I wanna take a picture of this setup I did yesterday styling my whole thing. I styled so deep and wide, you can't even see half the shit I put together. But I'm like, well, this is so pretty. But then I'm like looking at the stacks of blankets in that corner and the other stuff I didn't unpack from Vermont and my little.

Candice (28:59.995)

you

Carla (29:08.32)

Zoom corner and it's like, you I noticed people like seeing like a peek into my life when I do my Zoom meetings with my clients. They're like, your house is so colorful. You have so many plants. It's so beautiful and warm. And I'm like, yeah, that's what my space is like. It's not perfectly curated. I'm a maximalist. I've got tons of little tchotchkes curated around. Everything is intentionally chosen and it might feel kind of chaotic. And like we were talking about the Nancy Meyers effect of like,

Candice (29:34.84)

Yeah. She did. Yes.

Carla (29:35.234)

She did the family stone movie, right? And I was like, that's my house aesthetic is their family home is what my house feels like. It's mismatched plates and like comfortable couch and throw blankets everywhere and colorful art. Yeah, it looks good and it feels good. Yeah, and I just love that. I think I've embraced that scruffy hospitality mentality years ago when everyone's like, you're having a potluck? I'm like, fuck yeah, I'm having a potluck.

Candice (30:01.543)

Cooking oil.

Carla (30:02.222)

I'm just not gonna cook for 30 people on my dime. I'm just not gonna do it, but no, that's a Candice move. That's not a me move. I'll host, but that is so you with your $300 Turkey girl. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah.

Candice (30:09.454)

my god, friendsgiving is always very expensive. no, I think there's something to learn about Scruffy hospitality in your personal life and inviting people in when things are not perfect. And also being surrounded by people who don't care about that. This is something maybe that

we don't think about often enough. It's like, want friends in my life where I can just be myself and not feel like I need to pose or I have to be looking perfect all the time. And it's very freeing when you have a group of people that you can fully be safe with. If you're the type of person like me where like you would wear makeup everywhere, no matter what, like you always have that mask on to protect you, you want...

Carla (30:40.792)

Mmm.

Candice (31:01.038)

I want people in my life where I don't need to wear that mask. I also want skin where I don't need to wear makeup, but that's, that's a whole different story. We give and we take. We listen and we don't judge, which needs to be a patio chat. Maybe that'll be episode two as we listen and we don't judge. Wedding pros version, but I don't know. just think like all of us are craving more intimate connections, more intimate conversations.

Carla (31:03.672)

Mm-hmm.

Carla (31:09.07)

We give and we take, what are you gonna do?

Carla (31:14.274)

Right. Yes. yeah. I love it.

Candice (31:28.846)

places and spaces where we can be like crisscross applesauce, know, hair down, not in a perfect environment and just be fully real with one another. Right?

Carla (31:37.836)

Yeah, yeah. I think there's like a joining of the two things, like the coziness and the scruffy hospitality, right? And the intentional living. And if you have that kind of trifecta of taking those toilet time moments to kind of reflect on the kind of life you live and look around and be like, is this a reflection of the type of life I wanna live? Do I feel warmth in my home? Do I feel joy? Do I feel at peace? And if I don't,

girls gotta clean up a little, I gotta do a little decluttering, do you know what I mean? But like, think that there's like, that's very top of mind for me, right? It's like the balance of those three things and not overdoing it in one way or another. And I think, you know, balance is an overused word. And I think everyone thinks balance has to be 50-50, but the way I balance stuff and the way you balance stuff can be very different, right? And so bringing that in, into our daily life and into our business is really,

It's like a winning little like that. Is that a Venn diagram with the circles and it's like the crisscross and little scooby-doos there? That's exactly what that is. Those three things are so present for me at all times where I'm like, all right, you're gonna come in and your sweats and we're gonna sit, but you're also gonna sit on a comfortable couch with a fuck ton of pillows and cozy stuff. You're gonna find somewhere to put your drink. There's gonna be a little side table that's all those things are thought of in my house. And I know when yours as well, because it's that.

Candice (32:39.2)

Yeah, it is. It is.

Carla (33:04.494)

cozy mindset of like, want my home to feel welcoming. And that's part of it. But also, guess what? I got cats, man. And I got like a son who leaves stuff everywhere. So there's going to be, you know, that part of it too. And that's okay. And if I show that to you, that's very special. When you when you walk in and see that and I feel the same way when people really truly invite me into their home as it is.

It's just such a special feeling honestly, it's not a judgment at all. It's like, ooh, they feel really comfortable with me being in their space. Yeah.

Candice (33:38.35)

Exactly. And that's very special. We can all agree that that is, you know, your mother and your best friend are the people and you're of course your partner or spouse are the people who like see you as you. And I wish that we felt more empowered to let that version of ourselves be the version that more people get access to. They really get to see who we are because to me, that's the that's the best part of who we are is when we're not pretending or we don't feel like we need to do things to fit in.

Carla (33:50.979)

Yeah.

Candice (34:08.144)

I wonder what it would be like going back to the coziness. I wonder what it would be like to bring thread this through our business. Like let's just use marketing as an example. What if your little corner of the internet where you market your business, Instagram, whatever. It felt like that. It felt like a cozy place for people where they could, they knew where to land, they knew where to sit. They could come be themselves. They had a spot for their drink, just like things have been thought of. And there's a lot of intention behind.

Carla (34:08.673)

Yeah.

Carla (34:19.086)

Mm.

Candice (34:38.036)

this space that you create if you're using social media as your marketing channel, what would it be like for you to show up there? A little scruffy hospitality, but let me preface this by saying, scruffy hospitality doesn't mean showing up on social media as a hot mess. A hot mess is like, that's a whole different category. It's not like they'll hang out. We're not going bra-less. We're not, you know, not watching our hair. we're, we're,

Carla (34:58.797)

Yeah.

Carla (35:06.274)

Right.

Candice (35:07.278)

We're present for visitors, you know what I mean? Like we're put together. But we kind of let down our guard a little bit, let down airs and allowed people in. I wonder how it would feel, just the feeling of our marketing, how that would shift. It's fluffy.

Carla (35:11.384)

Yeah.

Carla (35:23.276)

Well, you come to my stories girl, guess you already know what you're gonna see. When you see my circle lit up on Instagram, you know you're gonna see some cat videos, you're gonna see some videos of people getting scared, those falling compilations, except when they feel really like painful, I don't share those. Things about Pedro Pascal, I'm a Pedro sexual, that's my new identity. I mostly date women and Pedro Pascal.

Candice (35:45.934)

I'm unpaid most sexual. Does he know? Does he know that you're

Carla (35:53.07)

Not yet. He's busy. I think it's funny because I thought of this and then I keep going. I honestly don't care. Like when I'm sharing a video about like a funny cat video or whatever I'm sharing, I'm like, I have a millisecond of thought where I'm like, should I be sharing like a behind the scenes or like, you know, whatever. And it's just, I don't have that anymore. I'm like, people know when they see my

my circle lit, they're gonna find some joyful bullshit. They are. I don't put genuinely, generally I don't put very heavy stuff. Every once in a while, I'll put like a diss track about, you know, LGBTQ rights or some shit up because girl, please, I will. But I do a little joy sandwich. If I'm post something a little heavier, I'll do a scare compilation, something heavy and intentional that I believe in and then a cat video because I don't.

Candice (36:46.871)

Yeah.

Carla (36:48.792)

There's certain people I know that post a lot of news heavy stuff and I avoid them, right? Yeah, I just want the joy. Yeah, the world is so fucking heavy and intense right now and I intentionally don't watch the news and I look for those cozy spots online. There's a couple of people that I know as soon as I see their thing, I'm like, ooh, Justin Schraff from Boston, Lucent Productions, he always has like...

Candice (36:51.522)

Yeah, I do too. I do too. Yeah, I do. Especially in these times. Yeah, I just.

Carla (37:16.406)

insightful, knowledgeable things and like a lot, he's Ted Lasso heavy, so I love it. Like certain people like that, I just get a lot of joy from watching what they put up. So for me, that's my version of like cozy, know, the stories part are cozy. It also keeps me in people's feed. I will throw work in occasionally. And that's kind of my version of it. And it's gonna slowly move to like my reels and my grid where I'm doing like, even when I was in Barbados and I was on the beach at the cruising club.

and I took some video of the waves and then I put that quote, I was like, you know what, this is the post I'm gonna do today because that's true to me. And it's not me overthinking social media and it's not me overthinking marketing, it's me saying, what do I value? And what I value is intentional deep thought and really like reflecting on things and not just being reactive, I'm trying to be less reactive. And although it's ironic because that post was reactive. I was like, I'm gonna just post this.

Candice (37:58.914)

Right.

Candice (38:12.11)

you

Carla (38:13.966)

But it was rooted in intentional thinking and deep beliefs, right? And so I wanna do more of those and sharing like the beautiful places I get to travel, because I do travel a lot. And so I'm gonna show that part of my life more. And it started in Barbados. So I'll full circle there. Yeah.

Candice (38:16.797)

yeah.

Candice (38:30.35)

I love it. Can we talk about that quote that you shared in this reel? I'll link to the reel below so that you can see what Carla's referencing in her time in Barbados. this quote was something that came up in our conversation because I think you have recently heard it on a podcast, right? Yeah. Do you want to tell us?

Carla (38:43.66)

Yeah. Yeah. The Sam Jacobson quote, right? The pay attention to people who pay attention to you. man. He was doing his Engage recap. And it was, I love listening to his Engage recap because he and I met at his first Engage. And the trajectory that he went through was so fascinating and beautiful to watch. And I have so much respect for him. And so I love, oops, sorry, I'm kicking my camera. Oops.

Anyway, I really love listening to his podcast and his reading his blog and everything. He's got a great perspective on things. And one of the things he was talking about was he was sharing a story about chatting with somebody he was really anxious to meet and excited to meet and finally got some time. And the entire time he spoke with her, she looked over his shoulder. And you and I have experienced that at conferences as well. And it feels like absolute.

dog shit when that happens. It feels so rude. It's so rude. It is so hurtful. I immediately start shutting down. That's like somebody picking up their phone and scrolling in the middle of your one-on-one conversation. I think it's so rude. And that's a very specific example, right? But that resonated with me because the two of us have experienced that. But then also like in life when I started reflecting on what I'm trying to do in the community, like casting this kind of wide net.

Candice (39:40.206)

Yeah. Mm-hmm. It is.

Carla (40:06.68)

But then what I'm like really, who am I overlooking? Who's paying attention to me that by me casting this wide net, I'm then missing, right? And so I had a deep reflective moment when I heard that. And then when I decided to do that post with that quote, I was like, ooh. And then I sent those texts out to those people that I'm like, I see you. I appreciate your freedom. I appreciate your time and your energy. And like, let's fucking go. Like, let's get together and co-work.

like to follow through on all those things that we said we wanted to do, what am I waiting for? Right? And so like, when in turn, what are you all waiting for? Like, are you, not intentionally ignoring, but who are you overlooking that's looking at you that like could be a relationship like the two of us have? Like you're missing out, like to really just take the time and see who your people are and pay attention to the people that are paying attention to you. It's so valuable. Yeah.

Candice (40:59.586)

Yeah.

It is, and it actually, it helps to, it helps you make decisions about where to put your energy and your effort. So let's say you have a friendship or a partnership or some type of relationship with someone, business or personal, and you feel like all you do is pour into that relationship in some way. You're just, you're the person who's adding to the relationship bucket. You're always putting into that bucket. And maybe that other person,

Carla (41:06.638)

Mm.

Candice (41:30.8)

doesn't do the same to you. They're not putting anything in that bucket. Well, this philosophy of pay attention to the people who pay attention to you can really help you make decisions about where you want to put your effort and what buckets you want to fill.

Also to maybe eliminate partnerships or friendships or relationships where it's not being reciprocated in the ways that you need it to be, in what you need from that relationship. And it makes things a lot easier because we only have so much time to give other people. And when you look at the amount of time we spend on a daily basis talking to other people, interacting with people,

And then we, for me, one thing I struggle with so much is like, I talk to 50 people a day consistently. And so I sometimes am peopled out by the time it comes to peopling with like the people in my personal life. And that's not okay. Like I can't be giving, you know, the 20 % that's left of my battery to my husband or to my best friend or to my mother or.

Carla (42:27.256)

Yeah.

Candice (42:41.9)

to you, you deserve to get some of the very best part of my battery too. And so we don't have all like this infinite amount of resource to give this energy. So this pay attention to people who pay attention to you gives you the permission to maybe close a chapter or to walk away or to not let somebody come in and take so much of your energy.

Carla (43:05.922)

Yeah, yeah, no, I got to see that firsthand with you where you're like, girl, I got a whole day of calls. Like I'm gonna come out and be like spent. And it was really interesting because I was super prepared for that. And again, we've been friends for so long that I'm like, you could just sit and scroll on the phone, on the couch and I'm not gonna take it personally. we had the conversation, right? But I think also knowing, I think I was at the beach all day and I came back and I was like, opposite.

I hadn't talked to anybody. So I was like, you know, chilling and reading my book and then chat, know, Jason and I had our little car chats on the way to the beach, which were delightful. And then I came home ready to just give you space, but I feel like you fed off of my energy and I was just able to rejuvenate you and not that you got up and were like freaking out, but you weren't as low battery as you had thought maybe you would be. But also maybe that's having a friendship that you know you could just be your true self with, right?

Candice (43:35.918)

Yeah. Ready to go. You're like, hey, girl, how's the day?

Carla (44:05.004)

You know you can tap the fuck out with me and I'm not gonna take it personally. And you, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, and exactly, and I'm gonna be like, let me host you. What can I do for you? What can, do you need a drink? Do you need like a blanket? Do you need, where's Winston? Where's Mushu? Where's your dogs? You know I mean? And then we just segued probably into another like three hour chat. that's the funny part, right?

Candice (44:08.684)

Yeah, it's like a safety net. It's like a security blanket you can really lean on if you need to.

Candice (44:23.342)

My dog.

Candice (44:30.83)

That is the funny part. Yeah, but also surrounding yourself with people who help to fill up your battery rather than drain your battery, right? Energy vampires, folks who drain your battery, folks who take from you but don't ever allow you to charge up on them.

Carla (44:35.81)

Ahem.

Carla (44:48.098)

God.

Candice (44:52.238)

I think 2025, we have to examine some of those relationships and really ask ourselves, is this something that I wanna continue to put my time and effort into or should I be diverting my attention to the people who are standing there just kind of like wanting to spend time with me or wanting to be connected to me in some way? Could I divert my attention and create a beautiful relationship that's reciprocal?

Carla (45:20.62)

Yeah, and the action item for that, right? So we're giving you this big quote, pay attention to the people that pay attention to you. And you're like, okay, how do I do that? Well, the next step of that is pay attention to how you feel in your body when you're around people. How do you feel in your body? Right now I feel rejuvenated, I feel energized, but I also feel calm, I feel rooted in safety because I'm talking to you, right? And this past week we...

with this retreat I just was on, we were talking about that a lot all week, like the inputs versus outputs. And it's that give and take of friendship. It's the, you know, how do I feel in my body when I'm around you? And it is fascinating when you start really paying attention to it you're like, there's certain people that were in my circle that aren't really anymore. I would feel a lot of anxiety in my chest and I would feel it in here like fluttery and like my heart would be racing and I wouldn't feel very grounded or comfortable or safe.

And I don't really interface with those people much anymore. And then there's other people that I just feel like I stop and I'm like, ooh, I feel it deep and low in my stomach. And it feels really like peaceful and calm and my heart rate slows. And like, I bring it up a lot now because I think it's just such a valuable thing to really pay attention to. And I was having dinner with a friend a few weeks ago and I told him, I was like, well, how are you feeling right now? Do you feel like, I'll tell you how I'm feeling. I'm feeling great. Like I'm feeling like.

rooted in gratitude with you, I feel grounded, feel like laughs are easy. And so I was like kind of explaining this conversation to them about what that feeling in your body, because sometimes that's overwhelming. like, what is she even talking about, right? So that's top of mind for me now when I'm around certain groups, I'm like, man, there's just something in my gut that just doesn't feel good around this person. And you don't necessarily always need like the freaking...

bibliography of what they've done to wrong you to not want to spend time with people. It's just listen to your body. That's what we teach our kids. That's what I've taught my kids. Listen to your gut. If it feels crazy in your stomach, that's usually where it manifests. Listen to that. Your body's never wrong. So just lean into that. That was another like bookend to that whole, the whole idea of paying attention to people that pay attention to you, pay attention to your body. Yeah, for sure. Yeah.

Candice (47:38.71)

Yeah. And how people make you feel as it's a good indication of where things really stand in your relationship or like what your subconscious is maybe protecting you from of how you really feel. I mean, I want to be surrounded by people who make me feel good about myself, about who inspire me, who get me to think differently, who have conversations with me that maybe I wouldn't have otherwise challenge me. But ultimately somebody who makes me feel very comfortable in who I am and I don't

Carla (47:51.438)

Mm-hmm.

Candice (48:07.344)

like I'm being judged or I don't feel like I'm being competed against, which in the wedding industry, this is such a big thing where it's like, yeah, competition and competing against one another. And listen, there's competition. I I love competition. I'm competitive as hell. Okay. Let me tell you something. I am so fucking competitive. I'm like even like at the grocery store, if it's me and this other lady with her car, like I will be her. She might be 90 years old. I don't mean like physically

Carla (48:12.558)

Mmm.

Ooh. No curl.

Hmm?

Carla (48:25.526)

Yeah, me too. Girl.

my god.

Candice (48:37.226)

be her, but I mean, like be her to the line. I will be her, I will get, I will be the first person in the line. Like new check, new register opens bitch. I am number one. I am so competitive. However, the wedding industry, the wedding industry is, is, is, is competitive, not just friendly, but actually a lot of the competition in the industry. There's this big undercurrent.

Carla (48:40.354)

Thanks for clarifying.

Carla (48:55.017)

why is that so funny?

Candice (49:05.76)

of animosity and jealousy. What are some other words you would use to describe it? Animosity, jealousy, insecurity.

Carla (49:12.782)

Mmm.

Carla (49:17.824)

The word frenemy comes up in this conversation to it's like people like to keep people close so they know what they're up to. It doesn't feel like truly supportive and like, genuine. It's just like, yeah, it is is. There's this big undercurrent of that. Yeah.

Candice (49:19.541)

Yeah!

Candice (49:27.959)

Yeah.

Candice (49:33.706)

It's huge. mean, huge. it, I've been around long enough to see people come and go in the industry. And most of the people who go are the people who like perpetuate some of what we're talking about here. Big egos, you know, have to be the spotlight, the star, have to be the number one and put people down in order to get there and then keep people around in order to like,

Carla (49:37.991)

Ahem.

Carla (49:53.646)

You

Candice (50:02.274)

buttress themselves as the figurehead or the leader or you know, everybody's they're like the Sun and everyone's orbiting them, you know Yeah, there's that competition that creeps in and it makes people feel terrible

Carla (50:11.478)

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Carla (50:18.604)

Yeah, it doesn't, like who's really feeling good about it is what I want to know. Like where's the reward for that kind of model? I don't get it. And it just like, it's so rooted in insecurity and fear. It's just such a fear-based way to live. And that doesn't resonate with me at all. Like I remember like years ago when we would, it was really big to know who your competition was. Like in order to,

Candice (50:25.218)

Yeah, right.

Carla (50:44.27)

to figure out what you offer that your competition doesn't or figure out pricing or to figure out whatever. And I remember always getting stuck on that. I'm like, shit, I don't know who my competition is. I don't know who I'm competing against. Cause I'm like, my head is down on my paper and I am just doing my thing and I'm inspired by what I'm inspired by. And I just was a doer and I was surrounded by doers and I was surrounded by creatives. You and Beth being the two primary. And we would have an idea and we would just fucking go. We weren't looking at what anybody else was doing.

And it's like, that's not, and again, I don't know if that's attributed to the fact that social media wasn't as big. Would we have gotten caught up in that if we had that vehicle there? I'm not sure. I mean, cause really what we only had, yeah, we, I don't know, but no.

Candice (51:25.294)

guess you can't really say. But I don't do it now. I can be honest. don't look at my competition for a few reasons. One is, is I don't ever want to be inspired accidentally or like...

Carla (51:33.421)

Yeah.

Candice (51:43.758)

for whatever they're teaching their methods, I don't want to ever like accidentally steal that and then rope it into what I'm doing. So I like to have a very fresh perspective. I like to know that when I have an idea, whether it's a silly little thing or something bigger, that it came from me, it came from my own self, my own person, right? So that's very important to me. And then number two is, I just, I don't want to see what other people are doing because I don't want to feel bad about what I'm not doing or what I think I'm not doing.

Carla (51:49.399)

Mmm.

Carla (52:12.8)

Yes, yes. And I think that's a big piece of what the problem is, is the, and here's what it goes back to. It goes back to your original mindset of what mindset are you in when you're looking at social media, right? Because I don't generally go on and feel that competitive thing, but sometimes I'll have that thought of like, shit, I should be marketing my business more instead of sharing cat videos. But I'm like, girl, I'm actually.

I wanna say booked solid for this year. I could take a few more. I'm in a position of power right now in my business where, but I'm not taking it for granted. I'm being very intentional about the last clients for 2025 that I'm onboarding and focusing on 2026. And what a position to be in. I'm really proud of myself to be in this position. So yeah, the cat videos, they're always gonna have a place on my feed, right?

Candice (52:43.726)

You are. Yeah. Yes, you are.

Candice (52:59.202)

You should be.

Carla (53:06.988)

But I think that that's the problem though is the mindset you have going into it. Are you rooted in fear and insecurity? And then put that filter on and then look at social media and what do you think is gonna happen? You're gonna start scrambling and you're gonna, you know, and that's the other thing we chatted about was we don't see the world as, we don't see things as they are, we see them as we are. And where are we? What are you right now? Are you confident? Are you grounded? Are you happy in your life? Are you insecure?

Candice (53:19.126)

well that's true. Yes.

Carla (53:36.43)

based in fear, you filled with shame, are you depressed, where are you, what filter are you looking at the world through, right? And so when I catch myself getting competitive or getting like, damn, I do need to market more, I kind of check myself too, I'm like, all right, where are you today, what filter are you looking at everything through and like, is that like, okay, get off, stop reading your fucking.

Crown of Thorns and Roses bullshit books that I'm obsessed with right now and do your work. Do your marketing, girl.

Candice (54:04.014)

Yeah, get back to your inner workbook, Carla carried around this book every morning and it was called Inner Work.

Carla (54:10.542)

girl, you know every morning.

Candice (54:17.566)

and I have it in my Amazon cart and some of what you were talking about like being rooted in, would you mind sharing a little bit about a passage you were reading while you were here that was talking about soil? Because I think that's just such a nice connection to the point you were making.

Carla (54:33.998)

was it something about the, my God, help me remember what that was. Cause it was like, kind of garden you're, yeah, yeah, your mindset is your soil. And what kind of garden are you gonna grow? Are you growing some toxic radioactive bullshit? Because that's the soil that's in your heart and your mind. And what is that? And like, how do you maintain good soil, right? And again, that's where, it was talking about.

Candice (54:37.698)

The soil you're basing in. Yeah. Right.

Carla (55:02.092)

your inputs and outputs kind of thing. Like what are you inputting, right? And it's even the music you listen to. It's how do you start your morning? Do you grab your phone immediately? And are you on your phone? And I remember you had mentioned that in one of your episodes and how you're trying to stop doing that. And so I, it's a struggle for me too, because I have an alarm clock, but I also have my phone right there and I don't really need my phone right there, except I listen to a sleep meditation at night. So I kind of do, but anyway.

The curating the soil I think is really important. And again, that starts with your routines. Like how do you wake up in the morning? How do you go to bed? Those are two big like soil starter moments for you that could make or break your day. If you're waking up and you're doom scrolling and reading the news, girl, what are you setting yourself up for? That sounds terrible to me. But a lot of people do that. They turn the TV off, get the hell out of here with that nonsense unless you're watching The Bachelor.

Candice (55:50.818)

Yeah, it does. no, I can't watch the news. Yeah, housewife.

Carla (55:58.592)

or not, you're watching nonsense that makes you feel good. I watch a lot of that stuff that I just get to tap out and escapism type of thing. But then I balance it with meditating every morning, journaling every morning, reading that book, The Inner Work, really slowly. Sometimes I only read a couple of pages and I underline so much of it and I really reflect on it. And so I feel like my soil is just very grounded and...

grateful. I'm definitely grounded in gratitude. Every journal entry ends with a minimum of three things I'm grateful for every single day. And that's a muscle that you're working, right? It's like, I remember asking somebody, what are you grateful for? And he couldn't think of one thing. And I was like, your socks are dry. Dude, that's a fucking thing to be grateful for. Can you imagine if your socks were wet right now? That would suck. I could rattle off 150 things I'm grateful for without even thinking. But I also know that's a muscle that I work.

every single day, multiple times a day. So that also contributes to like my soil pH if we're gonna continue that analogy. So then the things that come forward in my life, whether it's the social media struggle or it's marketing or it's, know, client meetings or client interactions or friendships or how to parent my kid or how to be, you know, the best version of me I can be. It's rooted in all of that for me. Yeah.

Candice (57:17.624)

Gratitude, yeah. Yeah, well, it's what you practice. I love this concept so much that, you know, it goes back to that quote of like, don't see the world. What was it? We don't see the world. We are, right? And so if we're seeing things as we are, that kind of starts with the soil that we're planted in, which is the mindset or the approach or the mood or the vibe that we bring to a situation. And, you know, when you realize

Carla (57:30.21)

We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are.

Carla (57:45.499)

yeah.

Candice (57:47.74)

this, you can also look around and kind of, I guess, guess what kind of soil other people might be planted in right now. And you want to surround yourself with people whose soil is planted in an optimism, positivity, gratitude, community, all the positive things that you might wish for yourself this year. I would be looking to surround myself with people who are rooted in in similar mindsets and methodologies and stay away from the people who have

Carla (57:58.51)

Ahem.

Candice (58:17.434)

like a cat came and peed on their soil. know, like the pH is way off, you know, people who are rooted in, in gossiping or jealousy or insecurities, I would be staying away from those people. I'm curious though, Carla, is there, was there ever a time where your soil, maybe the pH was off in your career where you weren't rooted in positive soil, but maybe there was some, negative charge there?

Carla (58:45.646)

1000 % yes there was. And I think that there's little, there's like eras, know, we have our whatever eras in our life.

Candice (58:52.078)

Like when you're like an archaeologist like digging, you can see the lines like, that's my shitty mindset era. And you can see the soil line.

Carla (58:58.291)

girl.

100%. Yeah, no, and that's something you and I spoke at length about. I think that's when we had kind of a falling out, because I was in a really bad head space. I was dating somebody who was so anxious and so, my gosh, just so anxious and traumatized. And I made too much space for them to be who they were, because I was trying to break my fixer mode and my fixer mentality.

and just let people be and love them where they're at. And it's fine that she was the way she was, but she wasn't a match for me. And instead of me coming to that conclusion really quickly, I stayed in it. And then I think to kind of prove to myself, I'm not a fixer, I'm not gonna fix this. And it's like, girl, you can't fix it first of all, like that's for them to fix and you should choose you. And so yes, there's definitely been a time in my life where I was not rooted in.

Candice (59:50.348)

Yeah, it's true.

Carla (59:59.274)

any place of security, I was not grounded, I was trying to be, I still meditated, I still journaled, but good God, if I go back and read those journal entries now, and that's one of the reasons why I do it, is to go back and reflect on the struggles I was having, and it's really, can feel disheartening to go back and read the proof, but that's why I do it, is to go back and say, girl, you've been struggling this for 12 years, figure it out.

Like what's the root of it? How can you figure it out, right? And so nobody's gonna be perfect and nobody's gonna be great every day. I'm always gonna be filled with gratitude if I'm standing in the longest TSA check-in security line at the airport. It's gonna cause me a lot of stress if I'm running late for a flight, which I never will be because I'm five hours early to every flight. But right, we know. But like not everyone's gonna be perfect every day and not everyone's gonna.

Candice (01:00:42.062)

Yeah. Hello.

Carla (01:00:54.862)

But it's like all in how you handle that, that I think is the real truth teller. And coming back from that and actually saying, hey, we need to fix our relationship. And having that very honest conversation, I think that shows the growth, right? It's not that I fucked up and I was in this shitty head space. It's did I come back from it? Did I own it? Did I apologize for it? Did I make promises that we would never get there again? I sure as shit did.

Candice (01:01:03.958)

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah?

Carla (01:01:20.908)

And I meant all of it. Like I'm not a perfect person at all. And I make a lot of mistakes. No.

Candice (01:01:24.588)

None of us are.

Yeah, none of us are, we, know, friends love you in spite of the things that you might think are a fault of yours. But this is like such a full circle moment because, you know, sharing a time in your life where maybe what you were rooted in was not positive, it was more negative. There was a negative charge to your soil. And that came from a ripple effect of a relationship that you were in and how that relationship affected your soil pH, your mindset, your relationships.

Carla (01:01:49.142)

Yeah.

Candice (01:01:55.848)

Just there was a ripple effect there. Not all ripple effects can be positive. Some can be very negative. And so I wonder for all of us listening to this episode, what ripple effect are you putting out into the industry that you that is a positive charge? And are there any ripple effects that have crept in over the last 12 months, maybe 2024 something's lingering maybe even earlier that is negatively affecting you personally?

Carla (01:02:00.81)

Nope.

No.

Carla (01:02:28.727)

What about you? Do you think there was a time in your life where your soil wasn't where it is now?

Candice (01:02:35.614)

yeah, it's taken me a lot of, you know, non-therapy to get to a really positive place in my life.

Carla (01:02:43.374)

Girl explain non-therapy. What do you mean?

Candice (01:02:46.638)

Oh, I haven't had there. I mean, I went to a therapist once and it was not a great experience. So I just never returned. But it's taken a lot of like personal work to get to a place where I think I'm a fairly good person, not perfect, but fairly good. mean, sure, there was there was as a very competitive person. And as somebody who is actually pretty insecure was very insecure. There was a time in my career where my soil was like being the top dog being number one.

having to advancing more money, more credit, more notoriety, more popularity. And that greatly affected how I approached everything in my business and in my life, because really I just wanted more. More of what? I mean, I guess more friends, being more popular, being more noticed, getting all the business, more clients, more money, you know, just being number

one. And I wouldn't say it was the best time of my life, even though I achieved a lot of great things, and I had a lot of great success. I think that I was driven by the wrong things. And it started to show with some of the clients that I was attracting, one of which

Carla (01:03:59.49)

Hmm.

Carla (01:04:05.883)

girl, she must not be named.

Candice (01:04:08.974)

We'll save that for another episode. However,

I realized that what I was now attracting were people who were rooted in similar soil, they, client perspective, they wanted to show off. wanted their wedding to be Instagram worthy. They weren't in it for the right reasons. They were mean, they were tough.

they had the wrong priorities. And it really made me question, why am I doing this? What's the purpose behind my work? Like, do I really want to be known for surface level, top level bullshit? And do I really want to work with people whose like values are so misaligned with who I am as really at the core of like how I was fucking raised? Do I really want this or do I want to be surrounded by people

who are having a wedding because they first of all they love each other

And second of all, they wanna create a party atmosphere because they love their family and they love being able to celebrate moments that matter and they want people to experience that. And when I had that mindset shift, this is right around the time too, we, and I lost a very dear friend, Eric, who was a photographer. It put a lot of things into perspective for me. I was in my early 30s, I was second

Candice (01:05:51.328)

I going through a divorce from my first husband. I was really trying to find myself. I was so lost. And I just thought I had to be a certain person. I had to be skinny. I had to have a fancy car. I had to have all these things. I had to be perfect. I had to project out this image of somebody. And I really was lost. And I lost myself.

Carla (01:05:59.758)

Yep.

Candice (01:06:21.252)

almost lost my business almost, I almost lost my team. I was working with one specific client who was literally the worst client ever. And it just shook my world. It shook me to my core. And it's actually taken me years of figuring it out. And that's so funny how one person can come along.

Carla (01:06:35.491)

Yes.

Ahem.

Candice (01:06:47.818)

and fuck up so much for you, but also in the spirit of being a monster.

can also bring such beauty and clarity to your life because you suddenly realize what matters. I lost this amazing friend. To me, friendship mattered. Being present for people mattered. Thinking about how his kids will remember him, they're gonna remember the scruffy hospitality moments, not the perfect Instagram moments. It put things into perspective for me and it just goes to show you, again, the ripple effect of how one person

Carla (01:07:14.12)

Okay.

Carla (01:07:21.57)

Yep.

Candice (01:07:26.37)

can create a chaos, a storm, tornado in your life. But on the other side of it, you can also look back and see how through that storm, you actually became the person that you are and you became so much better.

Carla (01:07:39.798)

Yes, and a couple things jumped out. One, I'm really glad I asked you the question because girl you had a lot to say, and it's so valuable. First thing is today is Eric's birthday. I saw it on my calendar. Yes, it is February 4. Yep. my god, and it's 1105. I swear to fucking god, he was born at 11. He told me his mom would call him on the time he was born.

Candice (01:07:47.16)

I do!

Candice (01:07:53.354)

Is it? no way!

Carla (01:08:10.006)

every day, every year. And then when she died, I started texting him that. And then when he died, I would text Amber, we have to text Amber and confirm that it's a lot. my god, I have chills right now. That is so crazy. That's wild. That's wild. Yeah, that I

Candice (01:08:22.688)

It's, wow, this is wild. Can I just pause here for, can we pause here for a second? Because like I, I ask him for signs all the time. I'm like, bro, just throw me a fucking bone. just give me a sign. Yeah. And he never does. Only one time did I get something out of him, but he has never thrown me a bone. So I feel like this is, he's in, he's in here in spirit.

Carla (01:08:28.832)

Yeah.

Carla (01:08:35.918)

Here you go.

Carla (01:08:49.794)

He really is.

Candice (01:08:50.776)

He would make fun, by the way, for those of you who know him who might be listening, you would agree, but for many of you, you wouldn't know who we're talking about, but he would be the ultimate guest on patio chats, I have to tell you. He was funny, deprecating. mean, he was definitely a person that is unforgettable, but yeah, yeah, yeah.

Carla (01:09:01.516)

my God. He would. the funniest. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's wild. Like, whoo, that stood out to me. Holy shit. And the other thing is, what you put out, you attract and you talking about the pH of your soil and your mindset at that time, and how toxic it was. You attracted that toxic client.

And I attracted that toxic client as we shared this client. And yeah, and Eric attracted that toxic client, ironically. Yeah, what a trifecta right there. And that is definitely something to remember is what you put out, you're gonna attract whatever it is that you put out gratitude, you're gonna attract grateful people. That definitely stood out to me, but it is really beautiful to see the...

Candice (01:09:40.584)

Yeah.

Carla (01:09:57.954)

the trajectory of like where we both were getting divorced at the same time and then landing where we are now just based in like confidence and competence, right? Like you're so good at what you do and being able to like, you know, hear it here but then to see it in action down in your home. Girl, I was so blown away. Your soil is top. You got good soil now. Yeah.

Candice (01:10:18.546)

Thanks girl. It's tilled, it's aerated, it's got nice worms in it. Yeah, it's fertilized.

Carla (01:10:22.742)

Yeah.

Yep. No, and it's, it's, that's the other thing. It's like, is other people can see that it's not just like you having this internal conversation with yourself now with people listening to the episode, but also like we think about it ourselves, but like knowing that other people can see that, like I saw it so clearly. I hear it in your episodes. hear it in the things that you share and the things you believe and how you don't engage in gossip and how you, you really walk the walk of everything you're preaching. You really walk the walk. And it is

very admirable and it's something I'm just so happy to see it. Because again, we've known each other for so long. We've known each other in so many different iterations of our personalities and our growth. And it's actually really funny to line them all up like, girl.

Candice (01:11:08.406)

It's true. Our soil pHs might be, you might, if you were excavating in our lives, you might see some similar soils and then some very different soil colors. If you were to look down below the last surface of the last 15 years, we definitely have, it's funny. I was thinking about this this morning as I was getting ready for the episode, I was just thinking like, how beautiful is it to have a friendship where you go through different stages of life and it takes you away from each other. brings you together. And you just get to experience somebody grow

Carla (01:11:13.774)

Yeah.

Carla (01:11:18.637)

Yep.

Carla (01:11:23.628)

Yeah.

Candice (01:11:38.41)

up and get older, you get to experience that with someone as a friend and see how they've grown up and how they've changed and all positive things. It's really such a beautiful part of having a lifelong friendship is being able to witness that, to be a witness to that.

Carla (01:11:48.952)

Mm-hmm.

Carla (01:11:57.966)

Yeah, no, definitely. And talk about it and reflect on it and like, have deeper conversations and say, gosh, I didn't realize you were thinking that at the time, right? I didn't realize that, you you were going through that. I mean, yeah, no, but yeah, but I was also in like mom mode for you too, a lot, you know, because in big sister mode is more like it, like you're, we've been more like sisters from day one.

Candice (01:12:01.102)

Mm-hmm.

Candice (01:12:08.302)

Yeah. Well girl, you knew I was a hot ass. You knew. I know.

Candice (01:12:19.818)

Yeah, I know. It's true. Yeah, it's true.

Carla (01:12:23.842)

And that's the thing with sisters is sometimes they get on each other's nerves and sometimes they're best friends. But you're not gonna lose each other. Do you know what I mean? And I think that that's the valuable piece is having those friendships and actually having those conversations and saying, we're not gonna lose this friendship. This Saturday, I'm going to Paris with my three oldest friends, Dominique, Bethany and Susanna. Can you even imagine? We've never all traveled together. It's gonna be amazing.

Candice (01:12:27.402)

Yeah.

No.

Carla (01:12:54.078)

mean, first grade, third grade and fifth grade, I've known them and been best friends with them for that long. That's a long time. Yeah.

Candice (01:12:57.23)

That's such a blessing. Yeah, such a blessing. That's worth more than anything that money could buy is to have a friendship like that. Have relationships like that.

Carla (01:13:07.168)

Absolutely. Absolutely. I consider myself very, very lucky. And especially with you as well, because it's like moving to another country and still maintaining a friendship is hard. It's not always the easiest thing, but yeah.

Candice (01:13:21.41)

Yeah. Well, I think we, for me, I'm the type of friend where you won't hear from me all the time, but when I make time for you, I'm fully invested and I thrive in friendships where that can be okay.

Carla (01:13:24.206)

Ahem.

Carla (01:13:29.507)

Yeah.

Candice (01:13:37.206)

I'm not a clingy friend. not, but sometimes I can, I mean, if we, you know, get on a roll, we can be very connected for a while, but I'm not the type of friend where if somebody needs that from me all the time, I'm probably going to disappoint them. And that's upsetting to me. I don't want to disappoint anybody, but I'm not the type of friend who's going to text you back immediately.

Carla (01:13:54.924)

No, I know you were ignoring all my texts yesterday and I was laughing. I looked through and I was chuckling because I'm like, nope, figured it out. she thinks I'm so technically inept. I swear to God, I've been troubleshooting this for three hours. But I was laughing because we had this conversation and you said that and I know that about you. And I'm not necessarily either. Yeah, yeah, I can dip out. Yeah.

Candice (01:14:02.69)

You

No, no,

No, I do. Yeah. No. Yeah. you're sim- and you're- No, you're similar. You're similar. Yeah. I think all of us are actually-

Yeah, all us are probably that way, honestly. I think most of us require a bit of space and we don't want to have friendships that require a rule book attached to them where you have to follow all these rules in order to be a friend with someone. To me, that's like an enormous red flag when there's all these rules that you have to follow in order to maintain a friendship.

Carla (01:14:25.902)

it

Carla (01:14:46.88)

Yeah, no, don't abide by those as well. Sometimes I'm like very text responsive, but I actually live and do not disturb now just because I wanna stay focused on what I'm at. And if I need to pick up my phone, I will, but I'm not like, it's not buzzing and I'm not like this drone that's responding to it. Like I refuse to give my phone that type of control over me. And then in turn does affect friendships where I'm not like up your butt with my texts. Like that's just not, that's not who I am. So yeah.

Candice (01:15:13.996)

No, they're, yeah, but that's okay though. I love that for us. Well, listen, I have loved our very first patio chat. We definitely deviated from the agenda, which I have it in front of me.

Carla (01:15:16.492)

Yeah, I do too. It works.

Carla (01:15:25.782)

I didn't even look at it once. I mean, before I did, but yeah, we definitely did. But more stuff to talk about next time for sure.

Candice (01:15:31.692)

We did more stuff to talk about next time. And I think one thing that I would love to do in these patio chats is maybe midway through do a little like hot topics, kind of like the view where we maybe talk about, pull some things that people are talking about in the industry and just give our hot takes on them. Variety of topics. We'll probably pull some of this from threads and.

Carla (01:15:46.061)

Mmm.

Candice (01:15:57.472)

Elsewhere on the internet where wedding pros and even couples who are getting married or having conversations I'd love to do that and if you have any ideas for what you would like Carla and I to talk next About on patio chats, you know where to find us Instagram. You can email us. However, I will say

Carla (01:16:03.948)

Yeah.

Carla (01:16:18.094)

We're not going to text you back.

Candice (01:16:21.262)

We probably are not gonna like we'll be like cool noted, but we may not respond. Our best thing to do is probably DM us DM us an idea if there's something you want us to talk about. Or even if you've been struggling with something and you'd like our advice. I do feel like there could be a bit of like the Dr. Ruth vibe in here like a little, you know, Oh, dear Abby, who am I talking about?

Carla (01:16:35.938)

Ooh.

Carla (01:16:41.39)

Girl sex? Girl talk to her about sex. Girl I don't know who you're talking about. Although hey, hey, no I do, I do, I do. Yeah.

Candice (01:16:50.338)

know what I mean. Dr. Phil, I know. You know what I mean. Just a little advice giving. I think Carla and I will always steer your ship in the right direction. if you have a question you can remain anonymous to you can always submit them to us via DM and we can answer it for you here. But I want to thank you for hanging out with us for over an hour. I hope you've enjoyed this first patio chat.

Carla, anything you'd like to say to wrap up our first episode?

Carla (01:17:21.536)

No, I'm just really, really grateful for the opportunity to do this with you. This is so much fun and itches that scratch of getting back into the podcasting world that I've been feeling for years. So thank you so much for bringing this idea up and being such a woman of action. Like you said it and then like two minutes later I got an email invite to the recording. was like, Jesus Christ, we're still on the patio. So thank you for that. I am filled with gratitude for the opportunity and I really look forward to doing the next episode with you. Yeah.

Candice (01:17:49.97)

Me too. I'm so grateful you took me up on the offer because I think these conversations are so important to have and I love that we have a friendship where we get to have them and now we get to share them. Yeah. All right, girl. Well, thanks for listening, friends. Carla and I want to remind you there is so much power in your purpose and I'll see you next week.

Carla (01:18:00.706)

Me too, me too. Yeah. Yay.